2008-06

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I went to a grocery store to buy my favorite fruits. When I’m about to pay it in the counter someone’s calling me and I looked back and I saw this man. My thoughtful admirer before. A 56 yrs. old widow man. This man was special for me for he is so good person, kind and gentleman. He noticed that I bought my favorite fruits and he said he’s the one who will pay it for me and he insisted it. He’s still the same. We talked for a few minutes and we parted apart. I remember his thoughtfulness. He sent before in our office a bouquet of flowers, cakes, fruits and etc. I felt ashamed to my colleagues for they’re making fun of me to have a suitor almost like a father to me. So I told him to stop sending anything in our office. One time when I’m in my pad the lady guard knocked my door and having many fruits and flowers in her hands, I was so shocked and she said “someone wants to give you this flowers and fruits”. for he is not allowed to go to my unit without my knowledge and permission. So I went down to know who sent this gifts. No other than my thoughtful suitor. For two months he sends me almost everyday my favorite fruits. He called me every night to checked if I’m okey. He treated me like a princess, but I told him my true feelings that all i can give to him was a friendship. He still continue sending gifts, he told me it’s his happiness to send my favorite fruits and flowers. And now that he knows that I’m back I’m afraid one day he might send again. Having a thoughtful and kind admirer is not easy to handle. I’m afraid time will come he might ask something in return.

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Last night when were about to go to sleep my daughter told me something (in a very soft voice). Mama, tomorrow I don’t want to go home, i want to stay with you I don’t want to watch a movie with my Papa. I want to watch a movie with you. “can we watch a movie together with you and my papa”. Naughty girl! I smiled and said. Sorry my baby I can’t go with you I have to go to work and your father don’t like that idea, I don’t think he will allow me to go with you together with him. And she showed me her sad face. I told her don’t be sad. next time we will watch a movie together. and she smiled and said, together with my papa? I said no! only us! why mama you don’t like my papa to go with us? Here we are again… I don’t know how to explain to her without hurting her feelings. I just told her one thing. Baby your to young to know and to understand why our situation is like this, when you grow old you will understand. And she smiled and said. Okey mama promise me next time we will watch a movie together! I promise!!! Oh my God! I know promises is made to be broken. what should I do? I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I know there is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss, and no loss without pain. The truth is, whatever you can’t talk about is already out of control in your life. The sweetness of my dear daughter makes me realize that she’s growing so fast.

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