2008-05

There was a one man who’s been part of my life. This man is getting into my nerve now. I get irritated when he sends me a mail or messages and had a miss call in my cellphone. I told him before to stop sending messages or even stop calling me because he’s been disturbing me. but he’s still doing that childish act. He told me he can’t live without me? he regrets all the bad things he did to me. I told him that was over and his forgiven, past is past and its time for us to move on to have a better life. And now his telling me that he just realize that he really loves me and he needs me? Why? us people we don’t realize that we really love someone until that someone is gone. If love… means that person absorbs the other, then no real relationship exist any more. Love evaporates; there is nothing left to love. The integrity of oneself is gone. But I’m thankful because I learned my lesson to be smart and know that love, no matter how lovely in the beginning, will change and change again. A lousy relationship is never better than no relationship at all. I believe that it is better to have loved and lost than to be stuck with a real loser for the rest of my entire miserable existence. If we love someone let them know what we feel for them. and never take our love for granted for we don’t know how long their love will last. Love begets love.

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I had a night swimming bonding with the kids. During my teenage life my week can not be completed without going to the beach or to the swimming pool with friends or family. Swimming was my life during that time. I don’t care if my family and friends told me that my skin color is like chocolate all i know was I’m enjoying my life with the water. But now it’s seldom for me to go swimming because as we grow old our priority in life changes. if I have free time I go swimming to take exercise at the same time. And now my daughter likes swimming too. She wants to go swimming everyday when she’s with me. She told me that she wants to be a mermaid like Ariel in “The little Mermaid” a fairy tale story. I smiled at her and I told her that during my younger years I also dreamed to be like a mermaid. She’s really my daughter she likes swimming too. It feels good that sometimes I still have time to bond with my daughter and to bond with my first love…. which is swimming!

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I’m not fine today and have a severe headache. Last night I couldn’t sleep I don’t know why… around 4 am early this morning I drank 2 glasses of milk I just tried it hoping I can sleep. I think I got sleep around 5 am and I woke up at 9 am. I’m wondering why I can’t sleep last night. My sister told me I need to go a doctor to under go medical check up. I think my headache is due to over exposed to the computers. After using computer I take a bath. my sister told me it is bad my eyes is tired if I can’t avoid not to use computer before taking shower I need to take a rest for a few minutes. I believe her because she had it before. This past few months I’m having difficulties of my sleeping habit maybe it’s one of the reason why I’m having frequent headaches. I just wish one day I will wake in the morning that I don’t have to worry about work and not to worry how to make money for a living. I’m just sick and tired of my life to have the same daily routine. Every one wants happiness, no one wants pain but you can’t make a rainbow without a little rain.

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