2008-04

Last Sunday afternoon I had a surprise visitor. My ex boyfriend. We had a kind of relationships with no commitment and no obligation to each other. We seldom see each other because we’re both busy in our work, just a phone call or mail is enough for us. Before I went abroad we end up our relationships but we’re still friends. I knew that he has a girlfriend when I went back from abroad. and according to him he love his girlfriend. So pathetic. if he’s in love with his present girlfriend why he wants me to be back in his life? What is his real intension? He told me, he realize that I’m the one that he’s looking for and to be the mother of his future children. I’m surprised and I laughed at him, a crazy man! An unfaithful lover! a kind of man that I never dreamed to be my life partner. Why men are like this now? why they can’t be faithful to their girlfriends, regardless with the race, color of the skin and nationality. Are men knows how to love? A real love? Why they are not contented with one girlfriend? why they keep looking for another one? Why? Being a conservative woman I try to understand the ways of men. But I still believe there is a faithful men out there, and knows how to appreciate what they have in life. To all women out there, lets use our minds and hearts from “a few good men”. One thing I learn in mens way. Don’t lower your standards for a guy because he won’t respect you and he’ll tell his friends.

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During my teenage life, when I was 14 yrs. old, one of my suitors came to our house with a song lyrics, it was a love song, he said this love song was dedicated to me. I just laughed and ask why? At first he knows my weakness I like music, a love songs. But I don’t feel anything, I like the song but i don’t like the man. Sorry i was so young then to feel something “kilig” in my heart. When I meet my first love he made a love song for me. I felt I’m so especial and amazed because he made a song just for me. And now 5 days ago a very especial person of my life send me a love song. The song is about missing and waiting for someone dearly love and an act of ‘persuasion’ something like that. At first I just ignore it, ordinary thing for me, but when I play the song over and over again I felt something in my heart. It’s not an English song but I understand some words of the lyrics. I can’t explain my feelings about this love song, it’s like a connection with someone you don’t know but when you meet this person you feel you’ve meet before. Something like that. Maybe because someone especial dedicated it to me. But I’m not sure if this song is ‘only’ just for me, knowing him that he’s unfaithful lover. I really like the meaning of this song, the feeling that i can’t explain why? I just wish the especial person who dedicated this song to me knows the meaning of this love song and it comes from his heart.

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Today is the birthday of one person that I will never forget in my entire life. For she is the only person I’ve known who doesn’t care about the feelings of others, she’s so selfish! The person who hurt my feelings and she almost destroyed me as a person. Many years passed by, sometimes when I think all the bad experiences that I had, I felt anger and revenge. I want her to feel the pain that I had before. But I ask myself if I do that what will happen? It will cause more people to get hurt. So now right at this moment I will forgive her. It’s hard to forgive, it takes time to forget all the pain that she caused me. I’m doing this for myself, I want to heal all the wounds inside my heart and be free from all the heaviness inside me. Time will come she will realize all her wrong doing to her fellow man. and I’m praying to God that she can learn how to respect others and be humble for what she have material possessions that God gave her temporarily. Past is past! Nothing will change it. I realize, I’m only hurting myself with my bitterness. All I can do now is to learn from it and then let it go. Forgiveness is my best gift to her especial day!

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