2008-04

Being in love is the most wonderful thing that had happen to me. It just happens at the wrong place and at the wrong time. I know at first is not right to fall in love with him because he has a girlfriend. I’m not a bad girl like what you think, I’m just a woman who learns to fall in love with this man that I never expect I would, even in my wildest dream. And now I’m facing my consequences, I never thought that it would be painful that almost break my heart into pieces. I’m so confused! Concerned people keeps telling me that he is not the right man for me, he’s not good for me, he don’t deserve me and I deserve better than him! It’s hard to decide especially when your down and hurt by your love. But I have to do one thing to stop being hurt and to do whats good for both of us. I can’t live this way of being hurt and to love a man who’s having two girlfriends at one time. Love is blind and it hurts. It took me for a while to realize that he treat me like one of his collection. I trusted him and love him more than I love myself but it’s not enough for him. I know it’s hard to say goodbye to the person whom I really love but why I prolong the pain that it will come to nothing. I know at first it would be very painful but I trust God for having a better plans for me, and having a purpose for all the pain that I’m going through. I LOVE YOU and GOODBYE!

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It was just a lazy friday night. After posting in my blog, I accidentally click a blog site out of curiousity. I found a blog that got me so interested. I read some names that familiar to me. I assume that it was he, his blog and I’m right. I saw some links including my blog tittle was there with out knowing it, I found his secret. Who are You? the first words I utter. Why I easily gave my TRUST to him, someone that I really don’t know personally. Why? Who is this man? who got my TRUST, LOVE, and RESPECT? Do I really know him? Am I leading to the wrong way? I can’t sleep last night until now, thinking of many things that bothers me a lot. Am I doing the right way? where am I leading to? Should I quit what I’m doing now? To stop hurting myself more and to stop him for hurting me more. What kind of world that I’m into now? Is this the real world? I wish this is only a dream! A bad dream! I’m so disappointed! I never expect that it can be happen to me! I believe that he is a good man but why he did this to me? I don’t deserve this. Lord give me a sign and a strength to accept the reality. Who is this man? what is his purpose for coming into my life?

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Almost everyday I have phone calls from abroad. Should I say from my suitors. Sometimes i don’t feel like talking to them but they will not stop ringing me till I answer it. I feel so bored talking to them, but i realize they are so sweet and caring because they have the time to call me just to ask if I’m okey and fine. I appreciate it very much! They’re busy on their work but still they have the time to call me. I’m happy and glad because they don’t forget me. But this morning after taking my breakfast while reading magazines, my cellphone rung I thought from my former boss in my company that i work before. I’m surprised because its been more than a month i didn’t got any phone calls from him. Even we chat sometimes, its not enough because I can’t hear his voice, I missed his voice very much. Its a mixed emotion because I’m not expecting his call, this man is full of surprises. I’m so happy because he find time to call me even in a few minutes only. He makes my day! An extraordinary day because of that unexpected phone call. But still I can’t “expect the unexpected”! Because I only know “Expect the worst”. Never expect so you won’t get hurt in the end.

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