My Heart And Me

Today is my down fall day. a bad day for me. The feeling that I can’t explain. I feel so depressed. the feeling of alone for so long, the emptiness inside of me. What is happening to me? Or just missing my family? I miss my mother, my father, my siblings. I miss my childhood days those where the days that I can say I’m happy with a complete and happy family. Or I just need someone to talk with? I don’t know! All I know at this moment is to cry. I’m so stupid! Crying without any reason, I don’t know what really happening to me. The worst is thinking to end my life without any reason. Do I need medical help? Am I losing my sanity? Is God is with me now? Lord help me. Please show me the way the right way to think in a positive way. Is this normal for human being that sometimes in your life you feel so desperate or you feel no one loves you? I’m so tired of being alone and independent in my life. Is this self pity? or depression? Or just a simple act of longing for someone I love? So many questions that need time to know what is the reason behind for all of this. God please give me a peace of mind….

　　please click this banner?

After my work today I went to a salon in glorietta mall for my hand and foot spa, where the owner and the staff are my friends. I’ve known them for so many years. The salon has a tattoo section where many clients coming to do some ear and navel piercing and a body tattoo. While talking to my friend there’s one couple got my attention. The client for body tattoo. The man having a tattoo in his upper arms it’s a girl face tattoo and it’s so painful but it is almost done when i saw it. I ask the client, who’s face is that? the man answer my ‘girlfriend face’. His girlfriend setting beside him smile at me and said, yes it’s me! I told her, your so lucky to have a boyfriend like him because he maid a tattoo of your face in his body part. The proud girlfriend smile and said he wants to do that tattoo as a sign of his undying love to me. I just smile on them and said, I’m so touched, your both lucky to have each other. Each one of us, has a unique style in expressing our love to our dear one. Making a tattoo in your body parts a face or the name of your boyfriend or girlfriend for me is pathetic. What if they’re not meant to be? you can not erase the tattoo. Anyway it’s their ways to show their love. I respect those people because they value their relationship in many ways. I wish there is someone will have a tattoo inside his heart of my sweet and loving heart!

　　please click this banner?

Last Sunday afternoon I had a surprise visitor. My ex boyfriend. We had a kind of relationships with no commitment and no obligation to each other. We seldom see each other because we’re both busy in our work, just a phone call or mail is enough for us. Before I went abroad we end up our relationships but we’re still friends. I knew that he has a girlfriend when I went back from abroad. and according to him he love his girlfriend. So pathetic. if he’s in love with his present girlfriend why he wants me to be back in his life? What is his real intension? He told me, he realize that I’m the one that he’s looking for and to be the mother of his future children. I’m surprised and I laughed at him, a crazy man! An unfaithful lover! a kind of man that I never dreamed to be my life partner. Why men are like this now? why they can’t be faithful to their girlfriends, regardless with the race, color of the skin and nationality. Are men knows how to love? A real love? Why they are not contented with one girlfriend? why they keep looking for another one? Why? Being a conservative woman I try to understand the ways of men. But I still believe there is a faithful men out there, and knows how to appreciate what they have in life. To all women out there, lets use our minds and hearts from “a few good men”. One thing I learn in mens way. Don’t lower your standards for a guy because he won’t respect you and he’ll tell his friends.

　　please click this banner?