2009-05

It’s been two weeks I didn’t see my daughters, they’re so busy on their summer vacation attending parties and out of town vacations with their fathers family and relatives. Today, is the rest day of their nanny and it’s bonding time for us. My nine year old daughter asked me while I was taking her a bath, “Mama why is it my nipple is so itchy and I felt my breast is changing getting a bit big? Am I growing now? And I said “yes it’s a part of growing up it’s normal all girls experience it.” I remember she will turn 10 years old this coming July. And she added “Mama do you have hair in your private organ? what about my big sister and even my father have too?” and I said “yes” all grown up people had it. when you grow up like me you will have it too! and she said “Oh! I’m growing up now? She told me “I’m not excited to grow up like my big sister I want to stay what I am now! I’m still your little baby girl!” Lol! She’s growing up now, so many questions in her young mind. I remember when I was at her age, I asked the same questions to my aunt. Being a mother I’m so happy that my daughter asked me those personal questions, I feel the love and the closeness to each other still there even we live separately because of the situation we have. Having three loving daughters is not easy for me, each of them have different attitudes and have each uniqueness as individuals but they have something in common, they’re all sweet and loving daughters. My relationship with my daughters continues to be a source of joy and sometimes challenges-long after when they become adults. I don’t choose my family. They are God’s gift to me, as I am to them.

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One word frees up of all the weight and pain of life: That word is LOVE! The greatest thing in the world is worth reading over and over again. To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever. Eternal life is inextricably bound up with love. I want to live forever for the same reason that I want to live tomorrow. It is because there is someone who loves me and whom I want to see tomorrow, and be with, and love back. There is no other reason why we should live on that we love and are beloved. As I look back upon my life that the moment that I stand out, the moment when I have done things in a spirit of love. Forgiveness plays an important part in long lasting relationships. All of us make mistakes, and we all tend to blame others for our misfortunes. When I feel hurt and vulnerable I am inclined to lash out at whoever I think is responsible. Even the people I love the most. None of us should ever accept second best in life. This applies to relationships as well. Let those love now, who never loved before; Let those who always loved, now love the more. The most important message I read is: If God is considered you lovable enough to give the life of His own Son for you, a mere mortal man should recognize your worth. Since God loves you, the man in your life should regard you as a “pearl of great price.” He should be willing to follow God’s plan and give his all for the precious gift of your affection. I am beautiful. I am special. I am precious. I am lovable. All this, simply because I am. Simply because God says so and I believe it. I dare to love myself as God loves me and see what happens, I don’t settle for less than His standards of love in my life. I dare to wait for God’s best. I dare to hope. I dare to dream. I dare to believe that I deserve to be loved. I dare just to be me-an incredably love able woman of God.

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Five days ago my first born angel celebrated her 17th birthday here on earth. I remember the first time I knew and heard her heartbeat inside my womb and carrying a baby for four months without knowing it. At young age I had her and I never thought that it could be. At first when I knew that I was pregnant I told myself “No it can’t be?” I cried so much and blamed myself, I even think to abort the baby even the father agreed and he did the first move. My Aunt told me not to do evil action. She told me “its a sin, please don’t do it, we’re here for you we will help you no matter what.” I’m so thankful to God because He showed me the right way. I was so afraid because deep inside my heart I don’t want to do it. Every night I cried and thinking what will be my future of having a baby and I was so ashamed to my family of having a baby without a father to call. The father of my baby was willing to do his obligation and he wanted to get married but I had a second thought we’re both young then and his family will not allow if they will knew it and I am not even sure if I love him. For the sake of my baby, I let myself marry the father and hoping to learn to love him. My family and relatives beg to disagree my decision, but it was done when they knew it. After a month, after the secret civil wedding, I gave birth to my precious angel, the first time I saw her angel face I cried and I asked her forgiveness. She made me as a whole person she made me a mother, she gave me hope and inspiration, and strength to surpass all the trials I’ve been through. And now she’s grown up, I don’t regret everything happened, It was destined to have her in my life. I’m not a perfect mother but I will do my best to be a good mother. I will give my whole life, without her, my life is worthless… She maybe an unwanted baby, but for me she’s the perfect gift I ever had. I thank God for giving me a precious gifts like my grown up baby.

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