2009-04

How did it make you feel when someone was untruthful with you? We, too, live in permissive society that does not always show high regard for telling the truth. People tell white lies for some reasons, it can be good or bad for the persons involved with. I always say to my friends “telling the truth is foundational to relationships and clear conscience.” I admit, sometimes I tell white lies for good reason and purposes. But when someone who is close to my heart being untruthful it hurts me and even more painful as I expected. The friendship is in danger. When a once-trusted friend was untruthful to me I am left wondering if he will do it again. Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. I’ve always found it difficult to bury the proverbial hatchet. If I been wronged, it’s tough enough to let go even after the person says “I’m sorry” but to take the initiative in forgiving is down right impossible. To forgive is to forget, it’s easy for me to forgive but it will take time for me to forget and it keeps me wondering that he might do it again. The cycle repeats itself over and over. I want to free myself from a desire to hurt back I put and save myself from further harm. It is always important to tell the truth “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” Only liars have to keep their story “straight.” Once, I’ve been untruthful with someone, I find courage to approach and apologize, and correct my dishonesty. We are all humans, we commit mistakes. Let us be an example to the believers with our words, our actions, our love, our faith, and our pure life.

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I write down the type of a man that I’m looking for. It includes all the qualities and the way I would like to be treated. What I need in a relationship, I’m speaking of realistic expectations such as considerate, communicative, have a vision of his life, have an open conscience toward God. I’m not saying he have to be rich, super fine, knows the bible by heart, movie-type romantic, sports minded and sociable. Friendship and romance should be combined, because my mate should be my best friend. I asked myself why I gave up the things on my list? I know and I consider “something is not always better than nothing.” In most cases, nothing offers more peace of mind and fewer battle scars. I want to be realistic and also be fair to my love ones. Not to expect any more from my boyfriend than what I’m willing to be myself. I want love and compassion. I won’t compromise the important things in my list. After I’ve spent time grooming myself to be a gift, I make sure he is a gift, too. Sometimes, I asked myself “would I get on a plane if I knew the pilot is not qualified to fly?” a woman who knows what she wants and what she deserves and won’t settle for less is considered a prize catch by the male species- she’s extremely beautiful and very desirable. I need to know what I deserve so I can have what I deserve. A man who will be responsible for a woman spiritually and physically, who will lay down his life for his wive, who will provide food, clothing, and safety. I review these attributes until they get down on my spirit and ring in my ears and in my heart. I deserve to be nurtured, provided for, and loved. Someone says to me ” If you find yourself feeling like a stepchild in your relationship with a man, let go and let God bring you a man who knows what time it is.” Today is the time to begin taking a realistic look at the requirements of building and maintaining a healthy, vibrant relationship. I’m talking about a love that will last the rest of my life.

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When I was 8 yrs old I dreamed to be a nun. I like being alone and talking and praying to God for my families protection and happiness. when I was in secondary school I’m active in school religious activities. I love listening to religious songs. I find peace and happiness on what I’m doing. When I’m in college I had a big problem about my parents that forced me to leave our home to find peace and love that I never felt from my own family. One early morning, after I hardly cried because of the pain I felt in my heart. I had a suicide attempt (this is my deepest secret during my younger years), the first person knows it was my aunt the cousin of my father and my grand mother sister. When I was in the middle of hanging myself I saw one lady with white long dress and told me “don’t do that my child come to me and be with me in heaven.” then the rope was cut and she helped me to get off from the rope. Then she suddenly disappear I just cried and said “Oh my God I’m so sorry for being so weak please forgive me.” After that incident I kept asking myself “What will be my purpose on earth? Who is that lady who helped and rescued me from death?” Now I realize all that happens in my life have a purpose, every details my childhood my teenage years, I was born by His purpose and for His purpose. What would be my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want to be? What is the desires of my heart? So many questions and trusting God is all I need for His will be done! Because of my friend who gave me a birthday gift 6 years ago, a portrait of a saint that so close to my heart who makes me realize what will be my purpose on earth. Thank you Lord for my second life and to the woman who teach me to have faith, hope and love.

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