My Heart And Me

I want to share some jokes that I read in my inbox sent by my close friend that makes my afternoon a bit funny but rated x? for adults only… here’s some jokes, I hope it will put a smile in your charming face.

In the Hospital:
Doctor: hey lady you look so thin and weak. Did you follow my advice to have three meals a day?
Girl: Oh my God! three meals a day? I thought three males a day! Hmm… rated joke sorry!

Man: If we are a couple, we will face the problem together…
Woman: But I don’t have a problem
Man: It’s just because we’re not yet a couple, don’t be excited! Hmm… Conceited man!

Husband: Honey, please open the door!
Wife: Sorry, I cant! I’m naked.
Husband: (laugh) It’s okay, I’m alone
Wife: Me, I’m not! Hmm… unfaithful wife!

Advice for long life…
Do not write your name in condolence book when you go to a wake, because
after the funeral there will be a raffle who will be next… Hmm… bad joke!

Teacher: Peter, your late again.
Peter: My watch is late
Teacher: It’s not a problem, make it advance
Peter: Okay!
Teacher: Where you going?
Peter: Dismissal time! Hmm… naughty student!

Two men exercising:
Guy 1: Brother, I am a doctor, I’m running because I’m HEALTH conscious.
Guy 2: I’m snatcher brother, I’m WEALTH conscious. Hmm… lazy man!

Why fool man shoot his girlfriend?
Because he wants to know if FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES! Hmm… stupid man!

Tom: You know my friend, my new wife is a sex object!
Jerry: Wow! your wife must be so beautiful!
Tom: Not so! but everytime I want to have sex, she objects! Hmm… maybe she’s not in the mood!

Son: Mother, my girlfriend doesn’t believe in heaven and hell.
Mother: Go on son, marry her and let her feel the heaven…
and I’ll let her feel the hell! Hmm… I know that feeling!

A husband asked his wife, “What do you like most in me, my macho face or my sexy body?”
The wife looked at him from head to toe and replied, “I like your sense of humor!” Hmm… No brain???

A guy picks up a girl for a date:
“Why are you wearing your belt around your knee?
Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn’t let you touch me below my belt… Hmm… not trustworthy?

Good night! Sorry I feel bored on my jokes!

　　please click this banner?

I received an email today from a man who’s been part of my life, a close friend maybe? A friend who’s always there for me when I need help. He told me that this old song is for me and it’s like the lyrics of this song was made for me. When I read the lyrics of the song I asked myself is it me? In some ways maybe. I remember when best friend told me “you are the type of a woman that men doesn’t know how to please you, it means it’s hard for them to please you, but as a friend your so easy to please because I know you.” If they will only knew who I am. Here is the song, it’s for you to find out why this song was dedicated twice to me by the two men who are close to my heart.

　　please click this banner?

Friday night, before I slept there was a heavy rains and I turned off the ceeling fan and I close the window for I felt so cold that night. When the morning comes it was still raining and it was so heavy, I felt so sad not because it was raining, I can’t understand my feelings on that day. To make my day fine I decided to washed my clothes and do my household chores. After I took my lunch I texted the nanny of my kids to know what time they will come to my place and she replied “I don’t know ma’am, I will ask sir what time?” after fifteen minutes I received a message from the father of my kids “Sorry the kids can’t come today because there’s no way, all the roads are flooded and the traffic was so heavy the cars are not moving because of the flood all over the city, hope you understand.” Then I open the television to know what’s going on. In the news I saw the streets of Makati and other places in the Metropolis are all flooded because of the over night heavy rains, many people are walking over the knee and waist high water level. I was so shocked! What’s happening out there? Then suddenly the electricity was cut off for almost two and half hours, I texted my friends and relatives if there’s an electricity in their places and they have, I wonder why in my place don’t have. When the electricity was back on, I turned on my television, I saw people are in their hard situations, people are on the top of their roofs begging for help, poor, rich and middle class and even popular celebrities whatever their social status they’re are all in the same situations. I pity on them, I feel so lucky for I am not one of them. Sunday morning it was so depressing moment for all the people in Metro Manila especially the affected areas, when I saw some pictures and video uploaded in Facebook, it breaks my heart. What can I do to help them? I wanted to help but how? Oh God why you let your people suffer? Please help those people who are in need. Yes, life can be difficult, but even in the midst of suffering we can stand firm. Dear God, when we are tossed in the winds and waves of life’s storms, grant us a calm, confident, joyful heart that stands strong against all trials. Give strength and hope to the Filipino people to come out victorious through faith, courage, perseverance-and joy in the midst of suffering.

　　please click this banner?