My Heart And Me

Thursday night after work, I watched a movie with my friend. Five months ago, we planned to watch a movie but we’re both too busy to make a time to meet and watch a movie together. We’re both excited to watch the movie 2012. At first I wonder how the movie will ends, but in the middle of the movie I was so emotional, I don’t know what to feel, all I know I’m so afraid, if it will happens in the real life I want to be with my children, we will be together whatever happens. In realization, life is really unfair, but in the eyes of God we are all fair. Rich and poor people have a big difference I know, but when the storm comes we need to help and depend each other to survive. If people will learn to love and help each other in the midst of the storm we will all surpass. God will always show to His people after the storm the sun will still shine upon us. Like what they said in the movie “the end is near” reach out to our family, friends and to enemies with the love of God. I learn a lot from this movie, it’s a must see movie. To my friend who let me feel that I’m not alone and to feel that I’m special, I thank God for having a friend who treated me so well.

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Last night we had our board meeting in our favorite meeting place in cafeteria. After our meeting I took a taxi cab. In the cab the radio was playing Christmas song and I told the driver “oh Christmas is past approaching when I heard Christmas song I feel sad I don’t know why I feel that way.” The driver told me, maybe because it’s a cold season and a season for spending money, sad for the people who don’t have money to spend.” And he asked me “why you feel lonely when you hear Christmas song?” I don’t know why I feel lonely, during my childhood it was the best month for me because it’s my birth month too, but now I can’t explain why I feel the sadness in my heart. Some people says Christmas is for children, yes it is! My kids are excited for Christmas day because they are excited for the gifts. I remember one Christmas eve and my birthday as well, I celebrated my 20th birthday, it was the best birthday for me because all the people I saw was so happy, they’re all smiling at me saying happy birthday! That time even I don’t received any gifts from them I was so happy, I’m happy to share my blessing to the people who loved and treated me like a family. I miss that moment, I miss my relatives who took care of me when I’m away from my family. But for now, I’m looking forward in celebrating Christmas day with my children, it’s the best Christmas for me without them my Christmas will never be the same again. But still wondering, why I feel sadness when I hear Christmas song? In time I will know the answer…

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I am still wondering whether all the work involved in repairing a broken relationships worth it. Unfortunately I can’t guarantee that it is. Some relationships, no matter how hard you try, never recover the joy they once had. (sigh!) But if I feel regret or remorse when I think about a former friend and do nothing about it, I’ll never know what might have been. And even if the relationship isn’t revived, I’ll never know the satisfaction that comes from trying. That was I learned in an attempt to recover my lost relationship with my family and with my former best friends. A friendship I considered to be of priceless value mysteriously vanished. It was relief as well as regret. We both knew there would be no going back to the way things once were. This was a friendship reconciled, but no recovered, Was that enough? Was it worth the effort? Friendship and connection fail because of some reasons like positive or negative change in one person’s life, neglect of the relationship, or betrayal that is either intentional or unintentional. When it comes to the practical side of mending a broken relationship with a friend, I learned to count the cost, make contact, I must forgive, diagnose the problem, and rebuild respect, it would be most difficult for me to take and ask what could I do to make taking this step a bit easier? Friendship is a long conversation. God gives us relatives-Thank God I can choose my friends.

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