My Heart And Me

Friday night were supposed to have a meeting with my colleagues but I chose not to attend because I felt my friend need someone to talk with. Its been three weeks we didn’t see and talk to each other. We took dinner. While we’re taking dinner she shared her heart aches and personal problems to me. She managed to control herself not to cry in front of me and to some people in the restaurant. She’s really strong unlike me. I’m so easy to express my feelings to someone’s close to me. Before we departed she told me she feels okay, the heaviness in her heart was gone. While waiting for the taxi. three of my friends phone me inviting to be with them to go some place to feel relax and enjoy. I refused their invitation because I need to go home for my children will come to my place but they couldn’t come because it’s midnight when I noticed the time. It took one and half hour waiting for the taxi to come because of heavy traffic. When I arrived home I felt the aloneness and loneliness. I absorbed the heartaches and disappointments of my friend. Again to express my sadness I turned to cry and told myself, here I am again like a child crying over and over again. Here is my favorite song. I hope you will like it.

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I met my good friend this late afternoon together with his lawyer friend. I asked some legal advise for my personal problems about my legal rights to my children and other concerns. We talked for almost four hours. I felt I’m so lucky to have a friend like him. He’s always there for me when I need someone to talk with, about my personal and legal problems. Maybe because he experienced what I’m experiencing now. He knows my feelings and of course he’s more experienced in many ways. His lawyer friend made a joke on us. “Both of you look good together.” We laughed to loosen up the serious topics we discussed. Then the lawyer left us for another meeting. My friend advised me to take care of myself always. He knows what I’m going through. He added “You need to generate love inside yourself so that you can give it freely to others. We cannot expect love first. We need to give it out, in order to receive it back. I know by doing that. Just like a saying: ” Love wasn’t put in your heart to stay. Love isn’t love until you give it away.” I know and I felt something the first time we met many years ago. I knew there was a feeling of more than friends he wanted to offer but he’s really a gentleman. He never took advantage on me, with that quality, he earn my trust and respect. He’s one of a “few good man” I’ve known. I know what he meant for his advise.

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I know the popular saying “Men are naturally born polygamous.” I agree! I grew up in a family that almost men I knew was polygamous. Number one in my list was my father. I’ve seen my mother suffered a lot in my father’s arms of being a womanizer. During my younger years I hated my father for being a womanizer. In my teenage life I had a numbers of suitors that came to our house and one of them was a friend of my father, older than me of course. I came to think of it they’re were friends most likely they’re the same. My late grand father had more than one family and some of my uncle’s as well. And I had a brother that had a 3 children with a different mother. So I ask myself. Should I still hope that there is a man who can be faithful to me? I maybe sound strange but I experienced that I had a suitors who are married. Younger and older than me. I asked them why they like me, some says I have the quality of a woman that they like. Kind, strong and matured, sweet and fun to talk with. I heard many sweet words from a men and I’m getting used to it. I don’t know how to believe them especially to the married one. Why most men treat their girlfriends or wives like a cellphone load. Why they can’t be faithful to the one’s they loved. It’s like a never ending story that no one knows where to go and what will be the ending. Maybe I have to go to the flow? Or accept the reality and learn the game of men’s nature. Men are the weakest sex. So I have to be strong for them and not to be deceived by them.

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