My Heart And Me

Last night when we’re lying on my bed and about to sleep with my daughters, I asked them if they’re happy when they’re with me every weekend. My daughters replied “yes mama we’re happy being with you.” Suddenly she told me “mama tomorrow is December 1, your birthday is coming! What is your plan on your birthday?” I replied, baby I don’t have plan yet and besides I’m old enough to celebrate my birthday. “Mama, we have to celebrate your birthday because last year we didn’t celebrate it because your out of the country we had a lonely Christmas because were not together, we miss you so much last Christmas. Christmas wasn’t the same without you.” I’m so touched! I was teary eyed and I embraced them so tightly. I asked them “what is your Christmas wish? My nine year old daughter said ” my wish is, for you to be happy on your birthday and to be with you on Christmas day!” Oh, so sweet! I told her thank you so much my dear sweet baby, I’m sure I will be happy on my birthday because we’re together ’til Christmas day. And she said again ” I wish we will always be together not only on your birthday and Christmas but all the time and day of the year and all Christmas forever!” “Don’t leave us again mama we need you in our life.” Those words melted my heart! If they only knew how painful for me when I’m not with them. Their Christmas wish is unusual unlike before they’ve wish was to received a gift from us parents and now they’re wishing for my happiness. To my daughters thank you so much for that wonderful Christmas wish! Thank God for the wonderful gifts I have in my life.

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I had a long weekend and my children as well. Monday is an official non working holiday for the celebration of “Bonifacio Day” one of our national hero. Today we went to the biggest mall here in the country in sm mall of asia. It was not a surprise to see many people in this mall because of long weekend and for the preparation for Christmas,and mostly of the people having their Christmas shopping for Christmas is past approaching. Roaming and walking around together with my children was so enjoyable and tiring as well. My children wanted to buy some toys but I told them if I will buy a toy for them I will not give them a gift on Christmas day. They showed a sad face but they understand my point. After the window shopping we took our dinner, it took for me 1 hour in the line just to order our food. My children was so hungry they waited for an hour to eat they don’t have a choice for they like to eat in this food chain. When were on our way home. I asked them if they enjoyed our togetherness and spending weekend in the mall without buying a toys they like. They said “yes mama we enjoyed so much because were together”. We seldom go out and spent together our time in a mall because of saving money for Christmas time and for having a global crisis, hard time so we cut some expenses. My children is aware of whats happening around the world and I’m happy that they understand.

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Freedom is of the utmost importance to a man. A woman longs to be possessed, a man longs to be free. Sometimes when I thought about this reality I get insulted. A man needs to know he can have me and his freedom, too. And thinking that he will put me to the test to ensure his peace of mind. I want to see it for it is, and not to be over react. The truth is, freedom is an essential ingredients to any relationships. Saying like its easier than done. “If you love someone, set him free.” If people are meant to be in our lives, they will return of their own volition. This stage of the relationship is what separates the girls from the women. It examines our powers of restraint, exaggerates our greatest fears, and exposes our perception of our self worth. Most of all it tests our faith. At time like this I remember, If it is Gods will, it will happen! And if it is not Gods will, it’s better for me to find out early in the game so I can be free to receive the person God has chosen for me. It’s important to understand that God is not going to make this man to fall in love with me, God will simply allow the circumstances of this man’s life to reveal what is in his heart. It is really hard to find someone who will truly love us, but its more harder if when you happen to know that there is just no hope of you have two being together yet you still pray to make it work. It is when your mind says to let go but your heart says hold on… When a man feels the tug on his heart to make a commitment, no matter how wonderful a time he is having with you the word “forever” its sounds like an iron gate cutting off his access to the highway of freedom.

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