My Heart And Me

I woke up early in the morning today, I went to my daughter’s school for the yearly event. The Family Sportsfest of my grade 3 daughter. Each sections have their own color coding. My daughter’s section represent red color. Each member of the family wears red t-shirts. Mostly parents and students participates the games. I wasn’t able to join some of the games because I’m not feeling well. I’m supposed not to attend the family event but my daughter is crying she said, her father is not going to attend so I had to. During the games I was about to asked the nanny of my children why their father will not attend the said event. At my back my eldest daughter said to her sisters to come to their father at our back, and I saw the father of my children. I whispered to their nanny, I thought he will not come? The nanny replied “No ma’am it’s your daughter who doesn’t want him to attend because she wants only you, and her father felt offended but I told him to come for the sake of her daughters family event. I talked to my daughter and she doesn’t mean to hurt the feelings of her father. When the event was over we both approached each other for our daughters schedule of the day. He told me that they have schedule to visit a dentist. I asked a favor if I can join the kids and ride to his car going out from the village and he said it’s okay. To be continued…

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I received a phone call from my long time faithful admirer. He just arrived from abroad. He’s a seaman, a chief captain. I’ve known him for almost 4 years, until now he never gives up on courting me and hoping that one day I will say “yes” to him. He asked about my children if they are okay. He told me about his 10 year old daughter, we’ve met each other 3 years ago and he introduced me to his daughter as future step mother. So funny, because his daughter like me and she called me “aunt”? During our conversation he asked me again for my answer if I made my decision. I told him ” I told you many times and my answer will be the same let’s just be friends, that’s all I can give you a friendship.” If only I can teach my heart to love him I would. He said he will never give up and he will love me until his heart stop beating. It’s an honor for me that someone like him love me unconditionally. He added “I want to see you please give me a chance to see you again with my daughter and let’s keep in touch.” I find him so sweet! This man is so wonderful, tender, warm, loving, consistent, generous and he knows how to treat a woman. It’s just I can’t help myself to love him back.

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What is about me? When you meet a woman friend, do you start planning all the activities your going to do together for the next ten years? I don’t think so. Most people same as me realize it takes time to establish a real friendship; it takes time to know if you’re compatible. The Bible tells us to “keep our hearts with all diligence, for out of it flow the issues of life and death.” I need to understand how valuable and important my heart really is. It require special protection-when my heart suffers, my whole being suffers. The condition of my heart affects my health and my ability to function. Mostly the root of my heart problems is disappointments. This holiday season, Christmas is past approaching I feel holiday blues it always happens to me every year. I remember the past, my bad experience that happens on my birthday. Still I can’t get over that past. How can I keep my heart when I’m so desperately want to give it away. Falling in love with the wrong person give deep wounds and bruises to my heart. I come to conclusions that true love is able to stand, even in the most adverse conditions. It is something special begins to happen once our hearts have been put to test and we have survived the worst of circumstances. We bloom and we unfold until love can not be contained within ourselves. Love and disappointments hurts my heart, it takes time to heal deep wounds I believe “hope deferred makes the heart sick” I have to be careful about what I subject my hearts to.

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