My Heart And Me

Prayer is my ultimate recharger when I feel so down, afraid, worried of something. I talked to God about my thoughts and feelings, getting strengthened in the end. “Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt in the evening.” I had a bad dreams this past few days about snakes, and seeing myself in a dream that I’m in a tallest building and someone wants to push me, I was so afraid I felt my dream was so real. Before I sleep at night I pray and talk to God to give me guidance in my everyday life. I state my feelings, expressing my concerns, I ask Him a sign and show and lead me to the right path. Many people feel profoundly serene and peaceful after praying. Praying is deeply relaxing for me it register a high degree of calmness and optimism in my life. When I remember about my bad dreams I pray and talk to God to give me a strong faith on Him and to always remember it’s not my will, but His will that shall be done. God communicates with us through feelings. Think of what you have said and what you should say. More importantly, listen to what your heart saying. The voice of the Lord is still and small but full of warmth and tenderness. Dear God, I don’t know what is the meaning of my bad dreams. I know that your giving me a warning signs in anything I’m into. I trust you and I surrender my life to you. Everything is possible for you, take my hand and sufferings away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine.

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Late afternoon today, I went to the shopping malls for my Christmas shopping. I bought a gifts for my children. Christmas is just around the corner, a lot of Christmas shoppers anywhere I go. They look happy and excited buying gifts for their friends and families. Since I’m on my shopping day, I went to the mall where I used to shop of my favorite signature jewelry, bags and shoes. I don’t have any plans to buy I just miss the place and I took the chance to see what’s the latest collections for the season. I confess, my passion is on signature bags, shoes and jewelries. I have to admit that it made me happy to treat or to buy a gift for myself after a hard work especially Christmas season because it’s my birthday too. It feels good to see myself walking alone again like I used to do during Christmas season. But this year is different for me, because of global crisis I told myself I will not buy any expensive thing for myself. Enough for me to know what’s the latest collections and it makes me happy. Way back many years ago, buying and having my passion satisfies me as a person, my hard earned money helps me to get what I want in life. And now I realized my passion of collecting expensive and signature things makes me happy but I have to put in a moderate way especially in hard times. Christmas is not only on material things but Christmas is in my heart.

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To continue my story. I asked him a favor and he let me ride to his car together with my children. When we’re walking with my children towards the parking area my daughter asked me if her father allowed me be with them in their car and I said yes. My daughters was so happy and said again “good to hear that your friends better to be friends than fighting.” I told her my baby even before I wanted to be friends to your father for the sake of you 3, but maybe he’s not ready at that time, and maybe he realize and he’s ready now to be friends with me. That’s good mama we’re happy to hear that. I asked them where is the car? My daughter told me “mama were here in front of our car common lets get inside the car papa is waiting for us” your father have a new car and it’s so big like him. My daughter laughed at me and said mama its not a car its a van! Of course I know its a van just making myself comfortable for the unusual moment riding a car with my daughters together with their father. When we are inside the van no one said a word its like an angel passed by on us. We are all surprised and not expecting that situation can be happen after all the things was said and done. After a few minutes, I asked my youngest daughter if she’s happy and she said “very happy thanks mama.” Their father never said a word until they drop off me in a shopping mall. An awkward silence of him and a happy moment with my kids was one of the great family sportfest to remember.

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