My Heart And Me

It was almost a month I didn’t talk to my best friend. I treated her as my sister and a best friend. She was my best friend for 4 years. For the second time, I was betrayed by my best friend. The first time was 6 years ago, we were best of friends since early twenties, when we got married we were there for each other through thick and thin, she was the God mother of my second daughter. When I had my separation with my husband our friendship ends. I thought she’s my best friend, I shared my deep secret to her about my real feelings but she told my husband about it, I know she was just trying to help us and no bad intention at all, but what I don’t understand was why she did it. I told her everything and only to find out the situation gets worst. When a once-trusted confidant double-crosses you, betrayal is the result. Betrayal is almost always more painful, because betrayal dismantles trust. My close friends has the power to hurt me precisely because she knows me so well; my deepest secrets provide her with the emotional ammunition that can cut me to the core. And I’m left wondering if she will do it again. Since then I never talked to her after the incident. And now it happened again a month ago. I asked myself why I’m always betrayed by my best friend? maybe my friend, whom I counted on, isn’t there for me in a time of need. Or perhaps she joins others in teasing me about a sensitive issue. Betrayal is often unintentional; my friend may not think what she did was wrong or realize that she’s caused me pain. She may not have known I were counting on her so much. I am a victim of blatant betrayal. Life status is not an issue for me. I can be a friend to anyone who wants to be friend with me. But now I realize and I need not to be so trustful even to my best friend. Whether intentional or not, betrayal is a guaranteed toxin to every friendship. I’ve been burned, betrayed in a way I never deserved. I’m giving myself a space and time to cool off down and collect all my thoughts, and time really does have a way of healing deep hurts. Time allows forgiveness to wash away anger. A broken friendship is destined to stay that way. Relationships can give us perspective on our experiences, deepen our lives. The stronger for being broken, such a friendship can help me carry on my life with greater satisfaction. Learning my lessons one is enough and two is too much. Friendship is like money, easier made than keep.

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This song touches my heart. The first time I listen to this song I felt the message. And I can’t help myself not to play it over and over again. I love this song it’s like a drug so addicting. From now on, this song will be one of my favorite. I hope you like it too. This song is dedicated to the man I love, my great love.

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I want to share with you the art of letting go… that I personally experience and feel it.

One reasons why people get so sentimental…
It’s because memories are the only things that don’t change…
When everything else does… there are things in life that you can’t hold on forever,
No matter how much you fight for it.
Sometimes destiny isn’t always good, it becomes playful.

When you met someone you learned to love, you thought that it was destiny who made your paths cross.
But what if making your paths cross is just a part of the game that the playful destiny create?
Making you realize in the end that the person you thought that was destined for you wasn’t really meant to stay…

But only destined to make you feel love and leave you when you’ve already fallen.
It’s not easy to state a reason when you decide to leave your love…
Some might think it’s just an excuse… some might not actually believe…
some will blame you…some might even be mad at you…

What they don’t see is the fact that it hurts you even more to hurt someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt… especially when you can’t actually state the reason why you have to leave…
You can never own something that was never yours…
So lets stop gripping on things we expect to last forever…
Nothing lasts forever… Forever is a lie. Everything is transitory.

So while you have something in your hand, put in mind that it’s just borrowed…
So that someday when it’s gone, it won’t take you eternity just to let it go…
When your feelings get strong for someone, its always wise to stop for a while and give your heart…
-a time to breath… a time to use your mind to weigh the situation based on reason not on emotion…
Because the saddest thing that can happen is when one fall in love while the other wants nothing more than friendship… love sometimes can be magic… but magic can sometimes an illusion…

There are times when I wish that I was limited to certain emotions…
So that I’ll never have to experience pain, never feel betrayed or disappointed, and never get my fragile heart broken…

But the same thing means that I’ll never know how it feels to love and be loved in return…
The thought of it kind of scares me…
To have a heart that’s whole but numb… or a heart that’s broken but real…
Someday we’ll all looking back to those days we leaned to love, get hurt, cry and fight.

Maybe when the time comes, we’ll be laughing at our old dumb selves…
Realizing how stupid we were to stand up for things we knew weren’t really meant for us…
But I guess learning takes time, and mistakes make one’s journey fun…
Life is what we make it. Love makes the world go round…
So let’s live, love, and take what ever pain it brings…
Though it’s hard to wait around for something that I know will never happen…

It’s harder to stop when I know it’s everything I’ve always wanted…
But you know what I’m glad… I’m glad it happened…
We’re good FRIENDS… and I’m thankful for that…
Take care always my dear friend… I’m just here…

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