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When I was 8 yrs old I dreamed to be a nun. I like being alone and talking and praying to God for my families protection and happiness. when I was in secondary school I’m active in school religious activities. I love listening to religious songs. I find peace and happiness on what I’m doing. When I’m in college I had a big problem about my parents that forced me to leave our home to find peace and love that I never felt from my own family. One early morning, after I hardly cried because of the pain I felt in my heart. I had a suicide attempt (this is my deepest secret during my younger years), the first person knows it was my aunt the cousin of my father and my grand mother sister. When I was in the middle of hanging myself I saw one lady with white long dress and told me “don’t do that my child come to me and be with me in heaven.” then the rope was cut and she helped me to get off from the rope. Then she suddenly disappear I just cried and said “Oh my God I’m so sorry for being so weak please forgive me.” After that incident I kept asking myself “What will be my purpose on earth? Who is that lady who helped and rescued me from death?” Now I realize all that happens in my life have a purpose, every details my childhood my teenage years, I was born by His purpose and for His purpose. What would be my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want to be? What is the desires of my heart? So many questions and trusting God is all I need for His will be done! Because of my friend who gave me a birthday gift 6 years ago, a portrait of a saint that so close to my heart who makes me realize what will be my purpose on earth. Thank you Lord for my second life and to the woman who teach me to have faith, hope and love.

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God has a purpose behind every problem. We face circumstances 24 hours a day. God uses circumstances to develop our character. Life is a series of problems. Every time we solve one, another is waiting to take its place. No one is immune or get isolated from suffering and no one gets life problem free. Every time I have problems God uses problems to draw me closer to Him. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.” When my heart is broken, when I feel abandoned, when I’m out of options, when the pain is great… and I turn to God alone. People during suffering we learn to pray our most authentic, heartfelt, honest-to-God prayers. We learn things about God in suffering we can’t learn any other way. Problems force us to look to God and depend on him instead of ourselves. “We felt we were doomed to die and saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good, for then we put everything into the hands of God, who alone could save us.” We’ll never know that God is all we need until God is all we’ve got. Everything that happens in my life, God’s good plan for me, it involves all that happens including my mistakes, my sins, and my hurts. In all my trouble I ask “what do you want me to learn?” and I trust God and keep on going what is right, in every problem their will always be a purpose. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Thank you God for all the pain, problems and difficulties in my life has caused the greatest growth in me.

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I was complaining to my male friend about my personal life, ha said “You don’t want to have a boyfriend because if you did, you would make the wrong choices again. Nothing is wrong with you, its the men you choose to get involved with.” I was speechless. How could I have overlooked this very simple fact? What was it in me that drew me into the same episode of the same disappointing soap opera time and time again. I had trouble recognizing what the real thing was. If I continued on in ignorance, I’m in danger of losing real love, even if I managed to grasp it for a time. Like me, have you found yourself going around in circles of making the same mistakes over and over again? It may have been a cute joke but it was a sad commentary on my all too real life. But there’s one who knows the truth. When He decides it’s time to take our lives to another level, He turns on the light exposing the darkness, the blind spots, the hidden things in our hearts that keep us in bondage to past mistakes and hindrances. Some says the truth hurts. But in reality the truth will set us free- if, that is, we take responsibility for it.Truth must be acknowledge and accepted. God’s power to work a transformation in us. As I lay myself trusting God, how can I discern which man He has created for me? How can I embrace and who to avoid? I ask my friends what they have observed with regards to my love interests. They have the same answer “wait for the perfect match and the deserving one.” God ordained for my personal benefit, protection and blessing.

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