My Heart And Me

Last night when were about to go to sleep my daughter told me something (in a very soft voice). Mama, tomorrow I don’t want to go home, i want to stay with you I don’t want to watch a movie with my Papa. I want to watch a movie with you. “can we watch a movie together with you and my papa”. Naughty girl! I smiled and said. Sorry my baby I can’t go with you I have to go to work and your father don’t like that idea, I don’t think he will allow me to go with you together with him. And she showed me her sad face. I told her don’t be sad. next time we will watch a movie together. and she smiled and said, together with my papa? I said no! only us! why mama you don’t like my papa to go with us? Here we are again… I don’t know how to explain to her without hurting her feelings. I just told her one thing. Baby your to young to know and to understand why our situation is like this, when you grow old you will understand. And she smiled and said. Okey mama promise me next time we will watch a movie together! I promise!!! Oh my God! I know promises is made to be broken. what should I do? I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I know there is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss, and no loss without pain. The truth is, whatever you can’t talk about is already out of control in your life. The sweetness of my dear daughter makes me realize that she’s growing so fast.

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I’m just confused. what is the difference between the so called “true love” to “smart love”? As far as i know Shakespeare put it this way: “Love is blind”. For me “Love…breaks all chains from every mind”. True love is the feelings were too magical, too strong to mean anything else. and it seems, is ruled by over powering, unexplainable, mystical emotions. The affections are like lightening you can not tell where they will strike till they have fallen. Have you ever thought about your intelligence when it comes to love? Trying to convince myself that “smart love” it doesn’t take the fun out of feeling, it’s still love, thrills all, only “wiser”. more focused more observant. and it doesn’t allow you to delude yourself into believing something that isn’t true. and it may give you confidence to know that your relationship is headed in the right direction. smart love preserves dignity, integrity and well being. I think smart love never attempt to change oneself for another person. “It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not”. In love “all beginnings are lovely”, but no matter how lovely, a beginning is only a beginning. Time will tell if a relationship is built to go the distance. Love is not static. For me smart love is not leaving everything up to chance, can once again put the odds of survival in your favor. smart love works day to day at being in love. So what is the difference of the two? I hope you got what I mean… Love is an act of endless forgiveness a tender look which becomes a habit.

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There was a man I’ve met two or three weeks ago. My first impression he’s a shy type, approachable, kind and gentleman. And my friend had an admiration to this man, for he’s good looking. My friend told me before that she’s in love but suddenly that strange feelings come to hatred. I understand, I felt the same way. I thought this man is true to the friendship that he offered to us. I don’t blame him maybe it’s our fault for believing him so fast. Me and my friend tried to reach out to him just to keep in touch and to built a strong friendship. I don’t have any bad intention but to be friends with him. And now I realize that this man don’t deserve us to be his friend. He’s handsome and intelligent but he doesn’t impress me at all for he doesn’t have a good heart. Looks can be deceiving. My friend told me “I don’t miss him, I missed the thought “HE WAS”…. It is more shameful to distrust one’s friends than to be deceived by them. I learn from this person. Friendship, in general, are suddenly contracted; and therefore it is no wonder they are easily dissolved. Champagne to my real friends, real pain to my sham friends.

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