My Heart And Me

This early evening my daughter was in a hurry of going home. I asked her why your so in a hurry? You don’t want to stay with me a little bit longer? I told and remind her. “Before you cried a lot and you said you don’t want to go home you even told me that you wanted to stay with me when its time for you to go home. But now your the one who reminds your nanny its time to go home.” And she answered back. “Mama I have school tomorrow, we have a practice for our class presentation for united nation day!” I said really? She said “Yes” don’t forget to come to our school to watch me okay? And she told me “don’t worry mama I don’t love Tita Alma” (her father’s live in girl friend). “Only you that I love.” I was teary eyed and so touched when she assured me, she kissed and hug me many times. I’m so stupid to think and feel that I might loose her love and her attention for having a step mother. I maybe insecure because we don’t live together and I can not do my duty and obligations as a mother. It hurts me so much! I felt my heart was crushed into pieces. But I have to be strong and accept the situation. At the back of my mind I’m happy because she accepted the situation and she’s happy now. I’m so sorry to my children I can’t keep the family intact. It’s our fault not yours. But always remember what ever happens I’m always here for you. There’s nothing can be as successful of having a complete and a happy family. I may not have it now but I still keep on dreaming to have one in the future. Oh God! please give me more strength to hold on to my dreams.

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I have a visitor from Rome Italy. For 18 years we didn’t see each other since I left our province. We’re never close as a cousin but she’s close to my older brother. I’m so glad that were close now since we chat regularly. And now that she’s here for some important matters I will take the chance to be more closer and to get to know her more. She’s really kind, humble and a down to earth person. She had everything in life but she never change, she’s still the same. I’m so touched when she gives me a souvenir gifts from the place where she lives now together with her family. A rosary with a fresh scent of roses. It’s my first time to received a simple gift but it means a lot to me. I felt I’m getting closer to my dream which is to serve God and to go to the Holly Land. Since I was a child I dreamed to be a NUN to get close and serve God. It’s my deepest secret that I revealed to my family and friends but they always told me that I’m not qualified to be a nun because of my present situation. They’re making fun of me but deep inside it hurts me in some way. I know God have a plans for me. I’m on my way of knowing my purpose in life and showing the signs by using my dearest cousin to the path way to my dreams.

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I went to a bookstore to look for a fashion magazines and a book to read for my free time. And I picked up a popular magazine that quickly reminded me of how significant an issue aging is to millions of people. Then suddenly asked myself. What will be my look if I get old? Am I making enough money to secure a comfortable future? Am I in the right career now? what will I do after I retire? how are my kids doing? what kind of worlds awaits them? How am I doing health wise? How can I keep my mind sharp and alert? Huh! too much thinking about future! Questions about aging are not just asked by the “old” ones. It is a hard concept to define and not just about health and money. Though I appear to be aging more slowly, millions of young adults are already concerned with age issues in regard of attractiveness, career status and other issues. God given us everything we need to enjoy life. Yes, I should plan for and look to the future. I think the real secret of aging with grace is how I live today. We should take care of our body with reasonable exercise and a good balance diet today to increase the chances of being healthy. To maintain and have sharp and alert mind in twenty or thirty years from now, read, think, and discuss matters today. My question about aging gracefully is no different than the question of how I live each day gracefully. I have to enjoy it and live it fully. God richly gives us everything to enjoy.

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