My Heart And Me

I close my eyes and fall upon the pillow of your lips and my mind wanders as you
whisper romantic visions for my ears to see my secret longings to hear…
and my imagination runs wild sampling all the possibilities of you and me
me and you doing all the things that lovers do…

And my heart races against the dawn not wanting to let go of the fantasy of being
completely yours here in my dreams where it’s safe where every desire I ever had is
coming true… I cling to you and we are covered in dew locked entwined in each
others breath… and I am totally caught up in larger than life visions of us
that seem so real… I am totally convinced it’s going to be glorious being loved by you…

My fantasies, if not uncontrolled, have a way of exalting myself against the knowledge of God’s will for my life. Our fantasies begin to take on lives of their own. It loudly argue and strive to justify their existence, all the while reassuring us that they are quite harmless. If I persist in entertaining it I will be following through the action all too soon and much to my own horror. I am human, I am naturally inclined to have a very active through lives. I’m just being honest to myself about what my thoughts have to potential to produce. I was left alone with my own thoughts… but God is always there for me and still speaking in His glorious voice.

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Last night after we took our dinner with my children, we watched the blockbuster local movie. At first my 5 year old daughter can’t wait to watch the movie. In some scene of the movie she was so tickled and happy to hear the word “baby ko” that I always call her. At the later part of the movie she get bored and she wanted to go out and she said “Mama, I don’t like the movie it’s boring” Lol! I said to her just wait until the movie ends. Back to the huge movie, a kind of love story that entertains and tickles me not just because I like the actor and actress that played their role effectively and perfectly. I like the story, falling in love to a businessman who is so busy in his work and trying to be a good and responsible boyfriend to his girlfriend is hard. Needs to set a priority, which comes first. Family, business or Love life? Understanding and effort is the best aspect in any relationship. A different kind of level of love that I dream of. We all have to value the time for our loved ones. And when the movie ends I noticed that all people inside the movie house had a smile in their faces and learned a lesson from it. The huge movie gives a power hug to the people who payed for a tickets just to watch the funny and romantic love story. The movie that feels me with a power hug weekend with my children. It’s a nice movie to watch with the whole family and with someone special. I wish I can find a man like Miggy Montenegro who will change my life! Lol!

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The Nanny of my children open up to me about her love life. This past three weeks she’s been dating her text mate for more than three months. She admitted the first time she met the guy she felt something special. I saw it through her eyes. She told me that she’s confused of her feelings towards the man, she likes him and she wanted to know him more. But the man wanted an immediate answer if she likes or love him. She told me, she wanted to experience a long term courtship because she never experienced it before. I advised her, “be true to yourself, if you really like the man tell him what you feel, you are already 30 years old, you are old enough to handle a relationship, it doesn’t matter how long or short the courtship is, what matter is the feelings you have to each other.” The man had many past relationships and he belongs to a well of family. I felt she is ashamed to be part of his society. She’s got nothing to be ashamed or insecure because she’s a nice person, she graduated in college with a bachelors degree, a frustrated teacher to be specific. I can feel that the man is sincere to his feelings for her. I told her “why don’t you try and give him a chance to prove it to you that his love is true, who knows maybe he’s the one that your looking for to be your life partner.” She’s afraid to have a relationship for she might experience what I’ve experience in life. Love is a game you can win or lose, what matters is how you play the game of love. To you my dear nanny as what you said, give yourself a chance to love him and to love you as well. Good luck wish you all the best! wedding bells? not now my children don’t agree that idea. Lol!

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