Tantrums

Early this morning my daughter had a bad day! She don’t want to attend her ballet class. Before we slept last night she told me “Mama we have a recital and I want you to watch me”. And I said “Oh that’s great! Sorry baby I can’t go” and she said “Why mama? you don’t want to watch me? you don’t love me? your not proud of me? those questions melts my heart again. And I told her the truth, “Baby I can’t go because your grandma and your father is there, I’m not ready to see them” and she said “Mama just ignore them anyway your there because of me not because of them”. My daughter had a point, and I said I will try to come but I can’t promise. Then she hug me tightly and kiss good night and whispered “I wish you will come to my recital because if your not there I will not perform. So sweet! This morning she cried so hard she said “Mama I want to stay with you, I don’t like to go to Makati (the house where she stays with her father) I don’t want to attend my ballet class”. In the elevator she hug me so tight while crying out loud and she don’t want to let go of me. I thought this scenario was over, it’s been more than a year since the last time she cried so hard while leaving my place. Is it because of last night? I’m being so selfish to her. Because of my selfishness I forgot to think about her feelings. Hurting my daughters feelings hurts me more. I’m so sorry baby, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Being a mother my love to her is unquestionable and unconditional, for she’s one of the reasons why I survived all the challenges in life. My strength and my inspiration in everything I do. I love my daughter so much! I will sacrifice my own feelings for her happiness. And I will not let my stupid pride to hurt her again and ruin her happiness. Learning to love unselfishly is not an easy task. It runs counter to our self-centered nature.That’s why we’re given a lifetime to learn it.

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